Letter to a Lady

Time is not mine to give, but it is yours to take, so take as much as you like. I know that nothing is instantaneous, even love at first sight (I am sure it happens all the time) takes a split second.

While I would love to be in love again, to have that feeling that I had way back when, but I realistically never expect it but still look for it. Life jades and its hurts dull the heart’s desire to venture down such a path again. Too may primroses paths in the past that only led only to disappointment. Too many promises of forever that found there death with the rise of a new interest.

I venture forth now with no more desire then to find each day as the Lord give it to me. I never expect again to make the good friend as I made as a child. And I never expect again to make the hard enemies I have made in the past. While I have days yet before me, I have many days stretched behind me that laden me with memories.

I remember my first kiss from a girl. I remember my first kiss from a woman who was not my mother. I remember my heart breaking from her leaving. Leaving me for another that had more to offer. I remember the thrill of driving my first car, also the terror of wrecking my first car. Oh so many cars and women since then.

I imagine that you are like me, looking for what you want, but not quit sure of what it is you do want, hoping that you will recognize it when you see it. You say to yourself that you will not settle ever again, but then you look to the years you have left and ask if you can afford not to. Most of who we call friend are not friends anymore, they are just acquaintances. Fair weather friend that cannot be reached in hard times, but say hi with a smile and ask how are you with out the lest concern of how you really are.

Ah, a friend, a lover to whom you can depend upon to care for you, and you along. Someone who yearns for your body along, and would never betray you with another. Someone who would drop any and everything to run by your side in times of need. Well as someone told me, if you want all of that, get a dog. We dream of a prefectness that does not exist, only the young find the perfect one for them, and then they loose it when time open their eyes to the imperfections they were blinded to by young love.

I am not saying that happiness is not with another, what I am saying that when it is a settlement is made, a deal is reached, compromises are made. These compromises are not always with the other person, more often then not they are with oneself and the other person know nothing of them at all.

I know that I have lots to offer, but just as well I know that some things I cannot offer. I will never be young again. Short of the Lotto I will never be rich. I will not live in a city. I will not give up my horses short of death, and the money spent on them cannot be spent on the one who comes into my life.

My expectations in life come down to this, and that is I expect to do the best I can with what ever life sends my way, be it happiness or sadness. The happiness I will cherish, the sadness I will morn. To neither will I cling, but let the memories that visit me in the times my mind is not otherwise busy linger for a while.

I would love to have you in my life, To be able to hold you, to kiss you, to make love to you. But I am not sure, only hope, that I could ever be the one that you are looking for. Oh that binding, blinding love that will not let you think of anyone else, that will not let you consider any but a forever with that love. Juliet to your Romeo you dream to be, a one and only not to be shared or have to share.

That too is which I look to find, that binding, blinding love that once lived in my heart. But my eyes have been open the imperfectness that we all carry which some can only see in others and never in themselves. This awareness in myself limits my ability to believe that it exist in any person. Since the one I dream of cannot exist I am led into the world of settlements, Just what will I settle for?

Things I can settle for: Physical attraction, compatibility, an interest in some of the things I find interesting, likes to touch and be touched, will accept my help, will offer to help me, want to be with me, oh, and must love to dance and like horses.